What Just Happened Here?
by Namyda
Summary: This is my parody interpretation of what happened in the Record of Lodoss War OAV. I wrote this completely out of the blue and was planning for only one chapter, but this thing took on a life of its own. I hope you enjoy my random madness.
1. The Beginning

--weenie6969 Has Logged In-- 

Weenie6969 Says: hi im Parn! Nice 2 meet you all!

Weenie6969 Says: OMG wuts that! O shit goblins!

Weenie6969 Says: don't worry fair maiden ill save u!

Weenie6969 Says: -is wounded--is beaten up--accidentally kills goblin with a stick-

--HolyPriestBoy Has Logged In--

HolyPriestBoy Says: -Scares off Goblins- Hi Parn! I see you're still as thick as a brick wall!

Weenie6969 Says: OH YAY! Etoh I so missed you tanks for saving my sorry ass!

--angrymob Has Logged In--

Angrymob Says: You idiot! You killed Goblins! Now they'll kill us! And your dad was a disgraceful sonofabithch!

Weenie6969 Says: well ill just find em and kill them all cuz im a hero lol. Come on Etoh!

HolyPriestBoy Says: Uh. Okay.

Weenie6969 Says: Hey! Where r the goblinses!

--Deedolito Has Logged In--

Deedolito Says: They're killing your village, Einstein.

Weenie6969 Says: WOW! And elf! Wif boobies!

HolyPriestBoy Says: You git! We have to go save the village!

Weenie6969 Says: Hey! But the boobies!

--Ghim(li?) Has Logged In--

--SorcerySlayn Has Logged In--

Ghim(li?) Says: -WHACK!-

SorcerySlayn Says: Ahh okay it is now my turn to save ass. Removes enchantment from Goblins

Weenie6969 Says: oh crap big boss! I'll fight him! Uhh.. -runs with sword while screaming wildly- OW! SHIT! NO! Hegot me, he got me mommy!

HolyPriestBoy Says: That fag is my friend. Would you help him out?

SorcerySlayn Says: Oh okay. -guides weenie6969's sword to kill the Goblin-

Weenie6969 Says: Whew.

Angrymob Says: "Whew" what! You suck! You almost killed the town! Get out of here sucker!

Weenie6969 Says: -sob- Okay.

HolyPriestBoy Says: I'll come along.

Ghim(li?) Says: Where do you think you're going? You'll be killed before you can sneeze!

SorcerySlayn Says: Yeah. We're coming too, or else you won't survive a day.

Weenie6969 Says: YAY! Now were a big happy family!

Ghim(li?) Says: -rolls eyes-


	2. The Black Knight

--GenericBadGuy Has Logged In-- 

--IluvKardis Has Logged In--

--AshramBlackKnight Has Logged In--

GenericBadGuy Says: Well, I've been sitting here and I think it's due time we attack Lodoss.

IluvKardis Says: Okay.

AshramBlackKnight Says: Sure.

--WickedBitchOfTheWest Has Logged In--

WickedBitchOfTheWest Says: -POOF!- Hey, I've come here to help you.

AshramBlackKnight Says: What the…?

GenericBadGuy Says: Alright! You just appeared in the middle of my throne room, I don't know you that well, but I'll make you privy to my far reaching military plans!

WickedBitchOfTheWest Says: -evil chuckle-

AshramBlackKnight Says: Um, Sir, that might not be a good idea. Hey, don't give me that look, woman!

GenericBadGuy Says: Oh shut up and go kill some enemies.

WickedBitchOfTheWest Says: If only you knew how much bad smut would be written as a result of this seemingly insignificant exchange of glances.

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Weenie6969 Says: HEEEEYAH! -falls over-

Ghim(li?) Says: Gods, you must be the shittiest fighter I've seen in my life. You couldn't even kill time!

Weenie6969 Says: Ill get ya lol! -stumbles and drops sword-

Ghim(li?) Says: -yawn-

Weenie6969 Says: -on the brink of crying- ill show u! ill kill this here tree!

Deedolito Says: Not so fast! I'm an environmentalist liberal and can't let you do that!

Weenie6969 Says: Bwuh?

Deedolito Says: There are fairies inside all living things. Especially in you, you flamer!

Weenie6969 Says: hey whut was that sound?

Deedolito Says: Oh crud. It's a bunch of Kobolds and a Dark Elf. We better make legs.

Weenie6969 Says: -runs back to the rest of the group-

--Alaniansoldiers Has Logged In--

Weenie6969 Says: Yay! Soldiers! We're saved!

Deedolito Says: No, we're under arrest, stupid.

Alaniansoldiers Says: -haul them off to jail-

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AshramBlackKnight Says: Strangers? I wonder who the hell that could be.

WickedBitchOfTheWest Says: -POOF!- They're in Fort Myce.

AshramBlackKnight Says: Okay, that's right on the way, note taken. Now kindly bugger off, I really don't like you.

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--FiveFingerDiscount Has Logged In--

Weenie6969 Says: HEY! Don't put us in jail! Dammit!

SorcerySlayn Says: Don't worry, we'll sort this out.

Weenie6969 Says: But we didn't do nothin'!

FiveFingerDiscount Says: Riiight. Me neither.

Deedolito Says: We're cooler than you.

FiveFingerDiscount Says: Stuck up much?

--RandomCannonFodder Has Logged In--

RandomCannonFodder Says: Okay, I'm Captain Gebra, who are you guys?

HolyPriestBoy Says: We were just traveling!

RandomCannonFodder Says: Oh shit, I put a priest in jail! I'll just have to make it up to you by feeding you dinner and inviting you to stay and receive training as soldiers during wartime!

(Skip forward a few hours)

Weenie6969 Says: -back in the dungeon talking to the thief- So, Woodchuck, what were you planning to do again?

FiveFingerDiscount Says: I was gonna split out of here. Alanian soldiers stink and the Marmo are on their happy way here. Valis has a good army, I was going to hightail my business there.

Weenie6969 Says: Gud army? Well ill just hve to go to valis and be a knight there!

FiveFingerDiscount Says: -snicker-

Weenie6969 Says: -hears screams and noises from above- brb!

Weenie6969 Says: -sees that the fortress is being attacked- Oh no! We're screwed!

Deedolito Says: Hey asswipe, go defend the gates!

Weenie6969 Says: I'm going! -gates get broken down--runs away-

--Alaniansoldiers Has Been Disconnected--

Weenie6969 Says: -returns to dungeon- Okay, I'm getting you out of here! Just please save my ass!

FiveFingerDiscount Says: Yay! I'm free! Sucker!

Weenie6969 Says: AAAAAH A DARK ELF!

RandomCannonFodder Says: -invokes ass saving abilities-

HolyPriestBoy Says: Captain! You're hurt pretty bad!

RandomCannonFodder Says: Yeah but I have to go down with my fort.

Weenie6969 Says: NOOO! -sob--pout-

Ghim(li?) Says: -punch in the balls- Let's haul ass!

--RandomCannonFodder Has Been Disconnected--

Weenie6969 Says: Look that guy up there! I wanna kill him cause I hate him and stuff!

Deedolito Says: Like you stand a snowballs chance in hell. You need anger management, man.

AshramBlackKnight Says: -from atop the burning fortress- Well, this is a good view. -gives the place an appraising look- I'm hot. And not just literally.


	3. Final Battle!

IluvKardis Says: Muahaha! I'm so EVIL that no one can stop me! See me laugh EVILLY! 

AshramBlackKnight Says: You freak. What the fuck is wrong with you!

IluvKardis Says: Muahaha- Hey! You're dead!

AshramBlackKnight Says: Always thought you were a jerk-off. Now stop it before I castrate you with a rusty nail file.

IluvKardis Says: You dare defy me, miserable peon! -THWACKBAMCRACKLE- (psst, was that pseudo-villain enough?)

AshramBlackKnight Says: Man, you're just trying way too hard.

Weenie6969 Says: -cowers behind rock- Hey, isn't that ass-ram?

IluvKardis Says: OH! Look! It's Parn! MUAHAHAHA now I'll kill you BOTH!

Weenie6969 Says: YIKES!

IluvKardis Says: Well, I'll finish this one off first. -THWACKBAMCRACKLE-

AshramBlackKnight Says: -plays dead- Now watch. This guy's insane.

IluvKardis Says: Hey dead corpse, didja just say something?

AshramBlackKnight Says: Uh… no. No. Carry on.

ILuvKardis Says: NOW! PARN! Know my wrath! I'm EVIL! I serve EVIL! MUAHAHAHA! Before you die I'll give you a stupid lecture on EVIL! HA-HA!

AshramBlackKnight Says: -from behind- You should look around before you start lecturing. -slice-

IluvKardis Says: HAHAHA! I'm immortal! You can't… kill… me… AAAAARGHH!

--IluvKardis Has Been Disconnected--

AshramBlackKnight Says: PWNED!

Weenie6969 Says: Deedlit! I'm coming to get you!

AshramBlackKnight Says: Fuck you. You're annoying.

Weenie6969 Says: -runs screaming while swinging sword wildly--is disarmed-

AshramBlackKnight: Hehehe asswipe.

--IluvKardis Has Logged In--

IluvKardis Says: HAA! I've been resurrected!

AshramBlackKnight Says: GET your stinkin' hands off my foot!

IluvKardis Says: I'm going to kill you now, MUAHAHAHA EVIL!

AshramBlackKnight Says: Shit. -stabs-

IluvKardis Says: STFU! -strangles-

AshramBlackKnight Says: Blargh. -stabs more-

IluvKardis Says: AAAAH! NOOO! FUUUUUCK YOU! -falls over-

--IluvKardis Has Been Disconnected--

AshramBlackKnight Says: PWNED! Hey, this going pretty… NO! Not my modem! Aw crap!

--AshramBlackKnight Has Been Disconnected--

Weenie6969 Says: Thank you script! Now I didn't have to do anything! Woo! Ill just grb this here sword that doesn't belong to me and save the elf! Wif boobies!

Deedolito Says: YAY SAPPY END!


End file.
